Here is a copy of the email I sent out to family and friends yesterday afternoon/early evening.
I'm sure I don't need to explain my feelings right now. And amazingly I refrained from saying to the docs "I told you so". Unfortunately I am exhausted and in a great deal of pain and discomfort (solely due to "violation" exams). I'm up long enough to shower, then back in bed to rest and relax per Gibbs' orders. We did get in a nice nap this afternoon, but it is not making up for the loss of sleep by any measure!
We arrived at the hospital at 12:15 am to be induced. At that time I was 3 cm. Every 30 minutes my blood pressure was taken and my pitocin increased. Even with the first smallest possible iv dose of 6 ml of pitocion, contractions were 1-3 minutes apart.
Then, 7-8 hours later at a rate of 48 ml, right before Dr. R left for the day and Dr. W came on shift I was.... 3 cm and at station -2. (Stations are, as best as I can describe, baby's heads location shifting down for arrival- they proceed like this -3, -2, -1, 0, +1, +2, +3). And I was still very much posteriorly lined up (meaning the opening was not in line with the birth canal at all)- which made the internal violation exams agonizing.
So yea, that was like NO PROGRESS. No progress, no sleep (though they kept telling me to- as if you could with every 30 minute stuff happening), and only 2 small containers of jello since 8 pm last night.
And I refrained from chewing out the doctor. Instead I opted to just stare at the ceiling and think really impure thoughts about how I could gain revenge on him. I kid... maybe.
Dr. W missed my little expressive discontent to Gibbs about how this is exactly what I feared, I was exhausted, I never agreed to this, I was starving, I never wanted to do this and had been vocalizing this for months, etc. But Dr. W managed to make it in just in time to see me just staring at the ceiling, not saying a word or making a sound with tears just streaming. I'm sure my womanly ability to shoot a heinously death glare spoke volumes. So I was offered to go home if I wanted.
After much discussion between Gibbs and I, us and the nurse, us and the doctor... I opted to be violated again before making my final decision to go home or not to. The problem remained that due to her station position they could not risk breaking my water to speed things up because we risked a compressed/prolapsed umbiblical cord, on top of the loop around her neck, as she was nowhere near where she needed to be station-wise.
I requested the internal hoping for progress, and that news like that would re-energize me to keep pressing forward. This time the nurse did the violating, and even still... NO PROGRESS. After 9.5 hours I decided that was it, I was done and coming home!
I have a regularly scheduled ob appt tomorrow (Thursdsay) with Dr. H that thankfully I never cancelled! And let me say, the appt will be nothing but a very frank, straight shooting appt.
Why? Because I'm rescheduled to do this all over again, tentatively at 12:15 am Friday morning- yea, basically 30 hours away. My concern: due to the time you're still talking exhaustion and starvation breaking me down before I probably would break under normal circumstances.
Not to mention, I've already been told they would have to be 'aggressive' and take this on full force to make sure I actually deliver. What is agressive? It's the final two doses I can take of pitocin. After 48 it does to 50-something and then maxes at 72. After 72, which may or may not spur labor, I will be hooked up internally to a uterine monitor to tell them how much higher of a dose they can "safely" go. Sounds comforting and reassuring... wouldn't you say?
Added for you, my favorite blog readers...
I'd really like to know what and how they think between Wednesday 12:15 am and Friday 12:15 am just WHAT and HOW MUCH progress they think I'm going to make. Unfortunately due to my blood pressures I have no choice but to have She Number Three by Monday.
I'm still exhausted this morning. My appointment is in a few hours, so I cannot sleep in. If, and that's a MIGHTY if, I show up at 12:15 tonight to the hospital for another induction, I will be more exhausted tonight than Tuesday night (technically Wednesday morning).
I cannot tell you how stunned I am over all of this.
Anticipation of another one, it definitely had its ups and downs. The wait was ironic given our history of two unexpected and sweet surprises- we just assumed I'd get pregnant right away. And as some of you know that simply was not the case, by any measure.
Then there was the weekend at Busch Gardens of exhilarating roller coasters and jamming out at the concert line up all with unexplained and trivial bleeding. Despite all the fun and excitement, unbeknownst to us, that bleeding would be diagnosed as successful implantation bleeding that defied some serious gravity and speeds.
I'm sure we don't need to rehash the first sonogram and it's scarring of my children. (Who still have yet to attend any subsequent sonograms other than the 3d/4d.) Thankfully the second sonogram showing a thriving baby reversed the questionable findings of the original sonogram.
With the vomiting and my inability to take prenatal vitamins, the standard over-the-counter children's chewable vitamins have been a perfect match for us- fully confirmed with my ongoing excellent lab work. Apparently I am in the small percent of women who can successfully do this through an entire pregnancy. And thank God too because I've never been able to tolerate those horse pills!
My ongoing elevated blood pressures did no permanent damage that can be currently found/evaluated while in utero. Though her growth may have stalled for a month, it didn't take long for her get back to growing as soon as I was prescribed bp meds.
And even with the cord looped around her neck- decreased movement and original findings of an unshakable heart rate (which should fluctuate), a week later she made great strides revealing a fluctuating heart rate with movement. Not to mention weekly she continues to reveal there are no immediate harmful effects of the cord loop.
But most interesting of all, even with fluctuating hormones, physically taxing body changes, surprise and blindsiding blows at OB appointments... along with the drama and politics, Gibbs and I have remained strong in the face of adversity. In fact, though never thought possible, we are stronger than ever- more united than ever- more bonded than ever.
They say don't miss the small miracles while waiting for the big one.
And waiting, for a very long time, we have been doing!
And small miracles, many of them, we do have!
And finally now, after all of this time, we will greet and welcome the big one! She Number Three will be born on Wednesday St. Patrick's Day!
I am not pleased at all that I have to be induced. Furthermore, I'm upset to have to be at the hospital at 12:15 am Wednesday morning. I feel like it's going to make for an extremely long day whether you count the day beginning on Tuesday or Wednesday. So if you could keep our family in your thoughts and prayers, I would appreciate it!
It’s inevitable. In less than two weeks someone is going to be offended. Actually it will be a few “someone’s” who are going to be offended and upset with my actions and choice.
There are the immediate neighbors… pseudo-grandparents… who are expecting an “I’m in labor” phone call to watch the girls or take me to the hospital.
Then there’s the other two neighbors- one on each end of the street. Both whom are expecting the exact same call.
Of course there’s a nurse a few streets down who just so happens to work at the hospital and would love to get the phone call. I think secretly she is itching for my history of precipitous labors to continue its merry way so she has delivery bragging rights.
Another good friend who lives roughly 5 minutes away and has expressed discontent at times because she feels she’s the last to know anything and apparently wants the info firsthand, and first and foremost, at all times.
Those are just a few of the immediate vicinity ones. Do you by chance happen to see a trend here? I haven’t brought in the politics of family hierarchy. Gibbs’ family that is.
Daily I am bombarded with random email or text messages from everyone reminding me to let them know “right away” when it’s time so they can help me.
Part of me is not ready to offend all these people. Another part of me says to secretly schedule the induction the doctors so badly desire and just go to the hospital without telling anyone! lol
This week Miriam is hosting In Other Words. The quote she has chosen is:
“There’s somethin I learned when I was homeless: Our limitation is God’s opportunity. When you get all the way to the end of your rope and there ain’t nothin you can do, that’s when God takes over.” ~ Denver Moore Same Kind of Different As Me (co-written with Ron Hall, with Lynn Vincent)
It’s the marriage on the rocks.
It’s the pink slip from your boss.
It’s the mailbox with the foreclosure letter.
It’s finding the drugs in your child’s bookbag.
It’s deciding between paying bills or putting groceries on the table.
It’s the diagnosis you feared the most.
It’s when you’ve reached the very end and throw your hands in the air, completely fresh out of ideas for quick and long-term fixes. It’s then, at that precise moment, in your uttermost weakness and humility that God steps in, to proclaim His glory through you and with you.
And why does He wait until we are at the end of our rope? Because He knows it’s our nature to want to seek self-help first and foremost, and He loves us so much as to not micromanage us—giving us free reign to attempt resolution ourselves first. Sadly, time and time again, it’s when we’re done scrutinizing, finagling and repeatedly trying to fix the situation that we finally allow Him in to work. *ahem* And never a moment sooner.
And in His perfection, by waiting and giving us all the opportunities we need to remedy the situation, He is allowing us every chance to repetitively see our need for Him and to reaffirm the foundations of trust He continues to foster and cultivate. In the very end, after all of our attempts have failed and we let God step in and take over the reins, it is then and only then, that we do not rob Him of divine glory and power openly proclaiming it was not of our accord but through His grace and His provisions.
With only one source of income I actually do try to be aware and be conscious of our grocery shopping bill. Thanks to the conveniences of modern technology I first go online and review our three closest grocery stores sale ads.
The winning store is determined by who has the most of what I need on sale. Occasionally if the sale is enticing, for instance laundry detergent for $5.99, I will go to a store specifically for those items. I have slacked a lot on utilizing clipped and e-coupons. (Did you know at Safeway you can load coupons onto your Safeway Card Member Card?) I do need to get back into the habit of coupons because it truly can help offset some serious costs if you are faithful and acquire a nice stockpile.
If I had it my way I would take the time to purchase specific items at certain stores. For instance, I prefer the produce section of Safeway, the meat section of Acme, Walmart and/or Target for sundry items and Food Lion for snacks. Sometimes I feel this would really cut our grocery bill, but I can’t justify the time and travel needed to be traveling to various stores for specific products when they aren't exactly local to one another.
I do prefer to grocery shop once a week and don’t mind the quick errand to purchase additional items if needed. Though pricier, I love the convenience of Acme’s self checkout—especially if I’m running in for a quick item or two!
Things are moving forward rapidly! Weekly I’ve been having fetal non-stress tests due to the cord around the neck and my blood pressure. With each appointment they continue to show strong heart rates and increased movement—a definite good sign that She Number Three is happy and content incubating. And thank God too!
Currently I am dealing with the ramifications of gestational/pregnancy induced hypertension (PIH). Because they are not willing to put me on diuretics while taking the blood pressure medication, I continue to swell—at female psyche emotionally blowing rates. Although I do have prescription anti-swelling knee highs, I still notice how bad my Barney Rubble feet, cankles and legs are. Not to mention face and hands!
Unfortunately at my last appointment my blood pressure was a lot more elevated than they would like. After completing the non-fetal stress test and the internal exam (I’m slowly dilating!), I was laid down to rest before another blood pressure reading was taken. Thankfully it came down to a nicer level, but I was informed if it continues to climb they will have no choice but to induce me for pre-eclampsia.
We are down the wire now! These are my final weeks. I still stand in awe over this fact when I reflect back to the summer and hovering over the toilet thinking March was soooo far away!
Due to the PIH I have already been told I will not be allowed to beyond my due date later this month. This is because the elevated pressures cause the placenta to calcify over time and does some type of damage to the vessels.
For now Hotel Mom continues to host and display a no vacancy sign! Despite the repetitive bathroom breaks that interrupt my sleep, and the intense heartburn, the weight gain, lowness and dropping pressures and more, I am thrilled to know She Number Three continues to remain in utero where it is most safe for her right now!